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  • Money Matters!

    It’s a tale of an ordinary April Friday evening, in an election-charged small town of West Bengal, when the century had just turned to its 21st fold.

    In those days the election campaigning used to have a happy presence around us. Red hammer-sickle-star were twinkling at every corner of the town. With occasional popping ups of less significant characters in less significant colours of the season. Serving rather as an unpaid beautification project on the otherwise discoloured walls of our neighbourhood.

    And of course on the poorly printed pages of local newspaper. Where the political propagandas used to reside in an amusing coexistence with misspelled words. More as an entertainment! And the most beautiful part of them was that the intellectual stimulus they used to provide was very lame. I can remember how the agitated faces of the adults would become pacified by the petty hassles of everyday matters. That was good for their mental health I would say! As experience has taught me that except for a small fraction, the whole world is destined to remain in passivity. A hard-earned truth.

    But the most serious one was the news broadcasting at 6 in the evenings. Not at sharp, as there were late arrivals in every 3 or 4 days because of habitual malfunction or mismanagement with an insincere apology from the state-owned television channel- Doordarshan (probably the most beautiful translation of the word ‘television’ with its semantic and concept intact). Though mismanaged a little bit, there was profound joy in the limited entertainment offered by it…which I now crave for while jumping across the amplitude of channels, OTTs aimlessly. Imperfection & scarcity have their own appeal!

     

    It is in such an ordinary evening my father was sitting in front of the Doordarshan to follow up the day’s progress. And I, beside him, waiting for him to be finished so that I could watch the popular children’s show on a famous private channel…gained illegally by my brother from our closest neighbour with the help of a metal cloth hanger and plastic bottle.

    The broadcasting of the day consisted of the news about the usual happenings of the ongoing election with several daily mundane incidents like death of a man because of the Kalbaishakhi (a seasonal thunderstorm that ‘used’ to happen in the initial stage of summer on the adjacent areas of Bay Of Bengal). Bored I, was examining the blackish spot on his index finger that he had got that day as a validatory symbol of him being a responsible citizen. But the time of the news became lengthy as there was a technical error happened during the broadcasting, visualised by a rainbow-coloured screen.

    And a crow was crowing leisurely on the antenna looking ‘probably’ towards the four large dish antennas seated ambitiously on the roof of the four-storeyed building belonging to our wealthiest neighbour, facing westward.

    As my father was done with his dose of snippets for the day , I just jumped for my dose of the ‘stolen’ entertainment. It was a popular children’s show about a small boy’s fantastical  adventure with a magical pencil. There were episodes on how he satiates his needs as well as greed for various ‘things’ simply by drawing them on white paper which in a fraction of second would solidify his imagined desire into reality. It was quite popular amongst us, the children, as we were yet to experience the pleasure and responsibility of ‘commodifying’ things as an independent ‘buyer’. The show initially was streamed on Doordarshan itself, but due to immense popularity, was snatched by a private ownership and thereby depriving us, the children, who in fact were the sole agents of that market mechanism. I strongly believe that the act of hooking should have been acquitted of as a sin of stealth simply for that indifference towards the blossoming consumers who had no means to satisfy their own desires in an acceptable way! But hindrances used to come in various other forms as well. That day the episode ended with an usual power cut at the exact moment the magical pencil was electrifying my urge to see a desire transforming into reality. And also with my father’s rage against the symbol he has just probably stamped his support for.

                                                        ………………..

    The evening returned to electrification as we were doing our dinner in the candle light- wet, dim, soft. I personally used to enjoy a lot that long power cut hours in the evenings and also the sudden optical illusion that used to occur to my eyes by the sudden flipping from candle light to tube light. But the adults were unhappy as they had to use their time in productivity and I feel also because they probably could see the humane folly behind the politically framed technical negligence.

    Anyway, the TV resumed with this caption “a film directed by Priyadarshan”. It was Friday so Doordarshan had to telecast a film for us. The film begins with a gentleman Shyam, who arrives in the Mumbai city in search of a job in the Indian Capital Investment Bank, where his father used to work. He is seen anxious and frustrated as his application got rejected several times on the basis of this fact that another female applicant is also eligible for the post according to the regulatory framework.

    The scene changes with a song with a complete change in mood. In that song another young man is seen enjoying a hedonistic lifestyle with several imported shiny cars and “polished” female figures. But as the film progresses the song is revealed to be a mere daydreaming by that same young man (whose name is Raju) while working in a laundry as an iron-presser. And because of his fancy daydreaming he burns off a customer’s suit. His boss scolds him for this kind of repeated mistakes and advised him strictly to be more “laborious” if he wants to be successful in his life. But he shrugs off the advice and states casual yet definite tone with snapping his fingers-

     “kaheka mehnat! paise toh mein youn banaunga youn, shortcut tariko se”. (What Labour! I will make money only by shortcuts)

    And the scene ends.

    The scene in our home would have also ended with the TV being switched off if the movie was all about couple dancing around with fifty other dancers after falling in love! But there was something very refreshing about the film. There were ‘heroes’ who were full of ordinariness and human follies. There was a heroine who was far from being the glamour queen. And there was romance too which didn’t spring from a sudden hit between the girl and the boy in a, say, college campus. Rather the love develops amid stark realities of life- in absolutepoverty, unemployment, unavoidable personal loan.

                                                         …………………….

    It was post-Liberalisation era in India, but the evening happened in a small town of West Bengal where the political ideology of conserving the economic activity was still prevalent. While the emerging instances of open economy were also stepping their foot around. Like, that cable line connection, shared by us illegally. Or that proud four dish antennas. There were interesting conflicts all around us. The conflict between taking chance vs conforming to the same occupational habits; making wealth in a free way vs interviewing repeatedly for a fixed salary. And the film was, I would say, the most humorously presented picturisation of that conflict.

    So, the story developed further as Raju & Shyam hit accidentally in road & by merely a cautious “statement” Shyam, the rule follower mistakenly “doubts” Raju, the shortcut-maker as a pickpocketer. This very doubt remains alive throughout the film thick-n-thin, giving birth to a sweet-n-sour relationship between them. This short confrontation becomes hilarious as they meet again in Baburao Apte’s house where they are given accommodation. But from the very first, an amusing enmity grows between them with Babu bhaiya, the shelter-giver acting as an arbitrator. Now this Babubhaiya himself is submerged in debt and has nothing except a “big-heart”, a poorly-maintained house and a garage. Another interesting thing he has which is, a telephone connection having a queer cross-twining with another number of a wealthy businessman, Devi Prasad.

    Life was going all around as usual. With Shyam looking for a job; desperate to pay off the amount he had taken from his friend Kharaksingh so that he can marry off his sister. In the mean time Anuradha Parrikar the lady love enters into his life, who is also living in abject condition. On the other hand, Raju doing all his fantasy driven diddling to make believe his elderly mother that he is a very successful person & soon to start a business. And Babubhaiya, trying to ease away by drinking, all his tension of having an immense amount of debt, thrust upon him by his deceased father.

    It is at this moment the telephone rings at the stroke of midnight looking for Devi Prasad to demand a ransom in exchange for the life of his granddaughter…by Kabira, the kidnapper.

    The call is received by Shyam, who panicks after comprehending the whole matter. While Raju snatches this technical mismatching as an opportunity as a true enterpriser. He plans to redramatise that whole incident of kidnapping to the original Devi Prasad with doubling the ransom amount and thereby making money. Though Shyam and Baburao seem reluctant initially but soon agree to the idea as they “need” money too.

    All goes plan wise in a hilarious way until the moment police enters the scene!

    Failed, they return home. But the phone rings again with “Kabira speaking”. And the ransom demand gets doubled as a charge for involving the police.

    Now this time Shyam & Baburao deny to drag the matter further and decide to disclose the whole matter to Devi Prasad so that his innocent granddaughter returns home safely.

    But as the case! They need money! So they again plunge into the matter, but this time the desperation of making money goes hand in hand with a sincere urge to save the girl’s life. And they become successful in executing the plan with lots of comic adventurous chaotic moments.

    And the film ends happily with both Devi Prasad & police discharging the trio from the charges of kidnapping with all the ransom money granting to them.

                                                     ……………………

    I grew up in a family where all of the adult members used to vote for the Marxist Communist Party of India. Some with a little knowledge of what its ideology is and some of them out of ‘blind faith’ and ‘unthoughtful habit’. And on a larger scale the socialist sentiments (often in its narrow sense) was prevalent all over the state as the party was ruling over for two decades without any serious opponents.

    I remember how every now-n-then there used to be a bandh (strike) and we, the children used to reap the fruits of that political agitation with some extra hours of playtime. I, myself even contributed a little to this process of striking! Though unknowingly, more as a part of having fun! One of my uncle was a trade union leader and used to paint posters for the party. I would not say it “writing” as the way he used to implant the agitating words upon those colourful papers was more appealing than probably from the message, conveyed. My task was to collect the still wet painted agitations from the table and spread them on floor so that they get dried up peacefully. Another uncle of mine was rather an obedient blind follower of the party and was a regular subscriber of the party’s official newspaper which he used to “rot up” for his party meetings. How seriously he used to incorporate those bombastic newspaper vocabs into his speech as if simplicity doesn’t have any power to make a change!

    Now when I look back with mature eyes at that time I can see how the desire to make money was looked upon. How the elements of competitiveness, of entrepreneurial zeal used to be considered something morally derogatory.

    The economy of the country was officially opened up to the world. But since that opening up was necessitated from a “need”-a massive  balance-of-payment crisis, the mind of the nation still clinged to the “ideals” of conservatism. And the surrounding, as I can understand now was wedged between that dichotomy. Overall the relationship with wealth was quite complex and problematic.

    A funny yet romantic incident comes into my in this regard! A neighbour of ours was a staunch communist, so much so that he didn’t allow any religious or ritualistic arrangements in his home, not even a single icon or statue of any deity…causing a serious trouble to the female members of his household. Now this gentleman got married to a very beautiful lady. And as traditional Bengali women do, his wife insisted on setting up a consecration of goddess Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth & prosperity. I don’t know what that communist gentleman did with his ideology, on the next Kojagori Purnima (an auspicious occasion when goddess Lakshmi is worshipped traditionally) there was a grand occasion of Lakshmi Puja celebrated in his house. Was that a result of falling in love or falling for money I still wonder!

    With this kind of environment, my generation developed into adults with getting introduced to colour TV, lots of foreign private channels, imported fashion brands, shopping malls, internet etc. And side by side with phrases like “market penetration”, “target customers”, “profit generation” and so on.  Living across between these two different era, I nowadays delve into searching what my roots has to say about money. About generating wealth. About welfarism. About balancing economic matters with the other aspects of life.

                                                     …………………………

    From childhood I have been hearing about-

    Dharma-Artha-Kama-Moksha

    (Righteousness-Wealth-Desire-Liberation)

    As the four Purusarthas or fundamentalgoals of human life according to Indian tradition. And this I learnt not on the pages of social science books. But from the everyday conversations on mundane matters. Probably it is because of this reason they didn’t imprint a solid impression on my conscious thinking.

    While the bookish definitions of Capitalism, Socialism, Keynesian theory which I had to go through to pass my exams somehow shaped how I look at economic matters. But in a country which has a journey of thousands of years definitely should have its own way of looking at economy. Now I can grasp a little the wisdom behind those often neglected words…

     It is quite interesting how Artha (wealth), the economic aspect of life is placed upon on the same row with moral duty, desire & spiritual liberation in Indian tradition. The four noble principles, in fact, are conceptualised as a balancing equation…balancing each other. Unlike foreign notions of Capitalism or Socialism, where the spirit of wealth generation and the ethos of welfarism are seen as antagonistic to each other. While in Indian thought they  complements each other to live life in its totality, sitting on the same continuum.

     

    Like any other old culture, we have lots of deities personifying every aspect of our life. Interestingly, the deity personifying wealth is not a powerful male figure. Rather it’s a female deity- a docile, non-aggressive one. A happy fulfilling feminine figure- holding a basket full of paddy grains with a sweet smile on her face. The nature of worshipping her is also simple. On auspicious lunar days married women do puja in a non-grandeur homely manner with offering home-cooked foods. The ambience is arranged deliberately in a quiet manner so that Lakshmi gets “attracted” & visits the household on her own. No forceful tugging or pulling! And this economic philosophy has been handed over generation to generation by the women of our country. I wonder sometimes how did those women get such a soft-natured yet prosperous wisdom, with no urge to gain wealth by “penetrating” the market?

    While this is the way we “attract” wealth in our life in Hindu way. Other traditions, especially Buddhist literature like Dighajanu Sutta gives a moral stance on economic activity. The text is an account of Buddha teaching a layperson named Dighajanu on how to achieve financial security, welfare and happiness in this present life. A famous line includes Buddha stating about the importance of legitimacy in wealth acquiring-

    “He has righteous wealth — righteously gained, coming from his initiative, his striving, his making an effort, gathered by the strength of his arm, earned by his sweat.”

    It seems quite interesting if we place this ancient notion of moral righteousness in wealth generation in the post-Independent Indian context, when a civilization became a modern nation state officially. Lost connection with all its own value system by repeated political and economic exploitation it adopted borrowed ideas. And the forgotten inner wisdom reduced to be mere idiomatic phrase and history.

                                          ………………………..

    While the other day I was going through a chapter on Marxist criticism that distant evening just came across my mind. Well, the detailing might be contaminated to some extent with imagination but I must say that imagination is strongly built upon everyday experience. With little awareness, that evening resurfaced in my mind in a whole new way.

    Every reformation gives birth to newness. And the film I saw that evening is a perfect example of that. It told a known story in a new way. “Money” for the first time was shown openly as a sole driver of human life. That, people need money not only to survive but also to maintain relationships with their dear ones. The tendency to see “making money” as morally derogatory was shrugged off so wittily.

    And it captured the transitory phase from closed to open economy so well…through the interaction between several characters. While the jobseeker, rule-following Shyam personifies the prevalent attitude of closed economy; Raju, the shortcut-maker reflects the dreams of the emerging open economy. And tossed between their quarrel, Babubhaiya represents the idea of a Mixed economy, who constantly tries to make a peace between them.

    Everyone in this film is shown as indebted and in need of money-which symbolises the pre-LPG era economic condition of India. And the opportunity to earn money comes as a telephonic cross-connection- as an accident. The Economic Liberalisation, in fact, too came as an accident, when India had to open up its market to the world.

    But the shock proved to be beneficial as entrepreneurial zeal of the country grabbed the circumstances just like Raju snatches the kidnapper’s call to make money out of it…supported by Shyam’s constant ‘complementary’ doubt and Babubhaiya’s arbitration. Though initially their plan to redramatise the act of ‘kidnapping’ is motivated solely by “profit earning”, it soon gets accompanied by an ethical duty to save an innocent’s life. It is here plays India’s own tune of economic value system- the ethos of legitimacy & righteousness in wealth creation.

                                                   …………………….

    Postcolonial experience is not purely indigenous…it’s rather hybrid

    We were taught in college. And not by bookish knowledge only, everyday experience has taught me this as well. As I have seen Ramayana & Mahabharata first on TV, a foreign technological invention. So it would be foolish and narrow-minded if we cling to only our nativity in an age interconnected so massively. But a thought frequently comes into my mind now-a-days-

    Is adoption always a responsibility of the less dominant ones to make a step towards progress?

    If we as a nation, as a culture adopt the goodness of other’s invention & thought, why is it not that others may also listen to our words?

     

    Economic progression in modern era has traditionally been associated with snatching, violating, hindering other’s progress. Having a colonial history, we, as students, got aware of that at the very early of our academic years. Rampant exploitation of nature, draining of wealth, systematic destruction of indigenous industries are the conditions, we as a country inherited at the time of Independence. There are stories in every household about our grandparents facing shortage of food, lack of proper education. (From that, my generation live with food in their plate, with a decent educational facilities unless someone is dumb-headed & non-serious about studies like me!)

    May be that was the reason India tilted towards Socialism from the very start of its journey as a nation. And then we “borrowed” the concepts of laissez-faire, welfarism, sustainability…as if in the thousands years of our history we didn’t practice any of them on our own way. While now when we have a more or less strong foot of our own is it not a good idea to heading towards progress with our own tools?

    What is a more beautiful way to contribute to the world than by being a distinct part of it?

     

     

    Money matters! To live a happy life, to maintain relationships, to give back to others, to make closer ones happy. And if that is gained in a rightful way, with a purpose, the ending will definitely be happy!

    As the Priyadarshan film ended that evening.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • It’s (not) about Music

    It is through the flapping of a feathered individual, that I came to be aware of “it” for the first time.

    A baby house sparrow it was. Sitting on the damp wooden windowpane of our rented home, she was brushing off the extra drops of rain-water from her sodden little body, while composing “it”…beyond sound. The infrasonic rhythm of that seemingly calculated moves by her, made the phenomenon “visible” to my “just-getting-conscious” eyes.

    MUSIC, thus, first seeped into me through sight. Which, in the coming years would prove itself to be the star-crossed lover of mine. With whom my ill-fated romance would develop more in separation, more as tragedy.                               

    However, consciousness gradually evolved thereafter to finding “it” in places typically not appreciated.

    Like, when my aunt used to put seasonings into the hot oil. The popping of the spices in accordance with the spluttering sound was felt nothing less than a symphony to me. Or in the afternoon, when I was forced to go to sleep after our rice-packed lunch. When, my playful world was supposed to be streamed into the tranquillity of sleep, random events from the surroundings- be it a wet rubber sandal squelching across the floor or a frog’s desperate cry while seized by a snake somewhere around our fence or a quilt-maker advertising a tempting offer of a “end-of-the-season” discount at quilt making across the gully, in a ridiculously subdued voice with brushing across the strings of his harp-like cotton splitter machine. All of them used to keep the musicality of my childhood intact by overruling the rigid time-tables of a strict upbringing.

    Is it not the basic instinct of music to set the moments free?

                                        …………

     

    One day my father bought in a wooden box, claimed to be making music. It had two systems, working in parallel. There was a part consisting of two or three cardboards folded in a layered way, serving as an air chamber which was to be pumped up with one hand. And there was a string of black-n-white finger-looking keys to be pressed gently to bring out music from it. I heard adults calling it a Harmonium. And as children usually try to figure out the meaning of an unknown word phonetically, I initially associated the box with jewellery! Because “har” & “moni” signify necklaces and gems respectively in my mother tongue. But by no stretch of the imagination could I comprehend its link with them! Such imaginings!

    With little time and patience spent, my expertise in playing the harmonium developed. And with that grew my love for making music. At dusk, when the air of our neighbourhood used to got suffused with the sound of booming conches (a Hindu ritual to welcome the night), tipping across the black and white zebra-keys of my music-box was the only ritual in the otherwise communist evenings of our home. Practicing variations of staccato or melisma with the seven Indian musical notes, was one of the real joys of my childhood. Bit by bit, I learnt how to bind the sargams into a melody. Then one fine day, my stern-faced music teacher assigned me with my first song! It was a Tagore song. As most Bengalis do, I also started my cultural journey with him only! I learnt the tune with memorizing the poet’s words minutely-

    Graam Chhaara Oi Ranga Matir Poth/ Amaar Mon Vulay Re!”

    (“That Crimson Path Beyond The Village/ O It Enchants My Heart!”)

    I was eager to show off my achievement to my father! He was a terrible singer. But had a great sense of synchromesh between tune and words, what in fact, elevates a piece of composition to a soul-touching  song. He listened patiently to my “parrot singing”…then tried to make me grasp the “aesthetics of rusticity”, which the song sings about. “Singing every word is necessary”, he explained “to bring out the beauty of vastness and simplicity of rural Bengal”. Little did I understand the depth of his words at that age. But a question came to my mind for which I still am searching the answer.

    What carries the music? Is it the words? Or the tune? Or both?

    And the music teacher got fired.

                                                                                                                         …………..

    “NO. It is the tune, the notes, the melody which embody music”, my second music teacher said. She was a trained Hindustani Classical singer and was very strict about the accuracy  of ‘taal’ (rhythm) & ‘thaat’ (the different amalgamation of the seven main musical notes).Every Saturday, there used be a musical sitting with her, when she would taught me the various Indian Ragas. Their nuances. How every raga appeals to a particular emotion, a time or a season. YAMAN, the first raga I learnt is associated with Śṛṅgāra rasa (the aesthetics of love, beauty & delight). Then one by one BHUPALI, KAFI, JAUNPURI, BRINDABANI SARANG and so on. One day, she handed over a cassette to me. It was a collection of renditions on different Ragas by different ustads. I was advised to listen to them thoroughly and imitate their gayaki (the style of singing). I found it very peculiar at first! There was no clear division of sargams, no clear pronunciation of words of the bandish ( couplets). Rather the singing resembled the buzzing of a hornet!

    “Well that is music!”, exclaimed my teacher. “Words are merely the carrier of a musical composition; you just try to feel how the ambience of a particular mood is created”. But why then, I liked singing raga Bihag the most? It is no doubt a beautiful melody.  But what mused me to practice it repeatedly, was the romanticism of intimacy described by its bandish-

    Lat uljhi suljha ja baalam
    haathon mein mehandi lagi hai mori

    Maathe ki bindiya bikhra gayi mori
    Apne haath sajaa jaa baalam

    Pag paijhaniya uljha gayi mori
    Apne haath lagaa jaa baalam”

    (My tresses got tangled—come O my beloved! gently untangle them!

    I cannot do it myself, as the bosom of my hands is adorned with henna!

    The bindi upon my forehead has slipped and scattered,

    Come O my beloved to set it right with your own hands!

    The anklets around my feet got twined,

    Come O my beloved, to set them free with your gentle touch!)

    So, words or tune? The riddle went on!

                                       ….……….

    I started feeling in the beauty of it little by little- the beauty of Indian classical music. The nuances of different gharanas (schools) of Hindustani classical music. And a bit of the peculiarly beautiful style of Carnatic classical music. In the latter’s case it was by listening to the recordings only. With that, increased my time spent on practice. Practicing alaap (the introductoryslow rhythm-less section of singing a raga) was my favourite. It was like tasting around at the starters’ corner in a buffet before the main course starts! It was like the initial moments of knowing a lover’s body, with sudden unintentional nervous touches…

    Now it was all about the teach-n-taught! But there are other various ways through which music oozes into a child’s world.

    In winters, my aunt used to go to  kirtans, sometimes taking me along. It’s a musico-religious event, organised by various vaishnavite sects of Bengal. Subject-matter was mainly the romance between Krishna & his beloved Radha or the sorrows of human life. In between of those emotionally charged performances, batasha (tiny biscuits made out of sugar) used to be distributed as prasad. To collect them devotees would rush to the points joyously, where the blessed food were tossed upon. Then the very next moment they would sank into tears! Because this time it was a song about separation! Or may be about how priceless the human life is and how foolishly we are ruining it by ”running” after worldly illusions instead of chanting the name of Hari(god) ! It was quite an amusement to watch my aunt sobbing while savouring the batashas! “How does it taste, pishi? The batashas with tears? Sweet? Salty? Bitter?” Like life?

    Kirtan was completely different from what I was taught. It didn’t have refinement of classical music. There was no deliberate quest for accuracy. There was a kind of rustic element; but it was not similar to the intellectual version of rusticity of Tagore. The songs didn’t need engineered alignment of tune to the words. The tunes themselves carried the essence of rusticity effortlessly. In fact, they smelt of soil…very fertile.

    Music does have geography too then!

    One more time, “it” used to feel like soil. This time it was a bit “flooded”.

     “now you sing a song!”, I would demand in a “ganer lorai” (musical play) during the power cut hours in the evenings. The demand was rather a mischief, coming out of an urge to make fun of my aunt’s out-of-tune singing. And there she would go in an unpolished voice, occasionally taking a sorrow-filled deep breath-

    Majhi Baiya Jaao re…

    Okul Doriyaar majhe, Amaar Vanga Nao Re Majhi

    Baiya Jaao Re

    Sikhha Dikhha Na Hoite Aage Korchho Biya

    Tumi Bine Khote Golaam Hoile

    Gaaiter Taka Diya

    Re Majhi Baiya Jaao Re”

    ( O Boatman, Row On…

    In the midst of the boundless sea, my boat lies broken,

    O boatman, Row on…

    Before you had gained learning or wisdom, you chose to marry.

    Now, because of that you have become a slave,

    Having paid with your hard-earned money.

    O boatman, row on…)

    There was no elegance, no urbane sophistication but only a natural flow of simplicity with a depth of a perennial river. So this time it was the tune…singing out the music of melancholia. Empowering an illiterate poor widow to mourn out the grief of not having a descent education. An unhappy early marriage. The untimely demise of her spouse. Giving out a chance to her…to cope with a Fate embedded in poverty and sorrow. This time, it is the tune carrying the cathartic words to a person…without words.

    The adult me later found out the genre. It was one of the Bhatiyaali song, which usually used to composed and sung by the Boat Rowers of Ganga-Brahmaputra-Meghna flood plains of undivided Bengal.

    The songs of the Subaltern.

    The music of survival…           

                                 …………….                                                                                                                                            

    Then one day,  poverty came to live with us too. Ours was the Multidimensional Poverty. Centred around the absence of a mindful, sensitive feminine presence that gives out a purpose to a family. I guess no amount of financial aid from even World Bank could have saved us!

    I was, as usual, practicing in the evening. It was a gloomy monsoon evening. Rain was pouring down heavily outside. So I decided to practice raga Miyan Ki Malhar. As it is said to evoke cloud and rain when sung by the legend Tansen. There I went-

    Bijuri Chamake Barse Re, Jiyara Tarse

    Bijuri Chamake Jiyara Tarse.

    Megha Barse Chham Chham Chham”

    (As Lightening Streaks Across The Sky, My Heart Aches With Longing…

    O My Heart Aches With Longing As Lightening Flashes Across The Sky…

    The Rain-Laden Clouds Pour down as Ringing Like My Anklets…Chham Chham Chham…)

    The rain was splattering onto our tin-roof heavily. And the sound was far from being the honey-coated tinkling of anklets. On the top of that, the rain-water was leaking from the roof and because of that the veranda was nearly submerged in water. And I was busy in monsoon-musing…till the notes bring out the aesthetics of irritability…the nuances of the Annoyance gharana.

    “Would you stop?”, My father yelled at me. He was raging with frustration and very naturally could not bear the dual effect of monsooning!

     

    MUSIC IN POVERTY. MUSING IN POVERTY. MUSIC OF POVERTY. MUSING THE POVERTY. MUSE. MUSIC. MUSE. MUSIC. SHHH…

     

    POVERTY OF MUSIC!

    Yes! That day I hit the accurate note.

    The note of the poverty of music.

    The poverty of music while amid the stark realities of human life.

     

    I felt so ashamed of my insensibility that I just stopped practicing. At least openly.(adolescent ego!)Music just creeped into my very private space. The effect was so intense that I never felt comfortable performing in public…never sang at any events in school, college or university. Music became an act of intimacy for me…until many years later. Alongside, my father, who bought me the music-box got devoid of music himself. Turned into a man for whom music is all about pretentious bubble.

    What to do with music if the muse dies midway?

    I feel so blessed that the airy muse died so early in my life. Feel so proud of my father every time I watch the scene of the movie Jalshaghar, where the music-lover landlord unknowingly ‘exploits’ music to overlook every signs of decaying…may it be the fading lamps or a cockroach scrawling in his wine-glass. My father saved me from being an escapist, from loving music blindly. And set strict boundary in my mind so that I can detect where music can just slip into being a mere pleasure principle from being a life-saving medicine to soften the harshness of reality…“when needed”.

                                        ……….

    But lines do get blurred when love enters into your life.

     

    It was a sultry September afternoon. The phone rang. And as I picked up the phone, there was no hello or other introductory words. Rather an extremely melodious male voice got heard over singing Leaving On A Jet Plane, with several repeats of this line-

    I hate to wake you up to say goodbye”

    “Oh! It was that boy I met the other day! Why is he singing that line again-n-again even at the very first calling? Is he afraid of losing me?”

     No. Certainly not. It was one of those common mannerisms that music traditionally provides you to deceive people!

    However, I liked his melodious voice. And also the coordination between his shoulder & neck, which he used to rotate at sharp 90 degree to communicate bystanders! In a few days, It became a routine that he would call me at night and would sing a dozen of songs from various backgrounds. He introduced me to world of Band music, Blues, Jazz, Country. I was discovering a new culture through its music. A new kind of style. Different rhythms. Celebration of off-beats. Unique way of syncopation. Different from what I knew till date. To be precise, the songs hold so much freedom!

    If music be the food of love…

    Play on!”

    The concert lasted for a couple of months. Then ended in a peaceful silence. “Peaceful”, because, music got rid of the task of carrying on a deceitful romance. A deceitful love.

    And the boundary got even more stronger.

    But I found a new muse. This time wearing a quiet, gloomy face. I picked up a Mouth Organ. Tried again-n-again to bring out music with my mouth shut. Blowing in-n-out. And in that quest my lips got healed.

     

                                       ………….

    There is a strange difference between making music with your vocal or without. I sad realisation I came across. That, people are more accepting to music while produced through mechanisation. That, we are less sensitive to a tune if it lacks direct human involvement. That, the jealous eyes get softened when a perfectly tuned voice flips into a perfectly hit chord. Perhaps that is reason behind so much spoofing of classical singing in Ray’s films. While, at the same time, he is the same person who used Ravi Shankar’s sitar so magically to arouse various emotions. I realised the subtle truth behind the line-

    Tumi kemon kore gaan koro hey gunee,

    Ami obaak hoye suni kebol suni…”

    ( How do you Sing O gifted one?

    I listen, only listen with Wonder…)

    That, there must be a sharp tint of hatred in that wonder.

    Perhaps, had I played raga Malhar  in violin that monsoon evening, my father would have been less irritated and more ready to assimilate music into poverty.

    Sad yet True.

                                             

                                     ……….…

    Do different people bring different kinds of music in your life?

    Do different people bring different kinds of music in a Nation’s life?

    Yes, they do.

    Since, people coming into a Nation’s life is generally not spontaneous, rather often political and violent, in latter’s case the “bringing” is more complex and so more beautiful.

    As I told my illiterate aunt got me the chance to know the music, born out of backwardness. Likewise a friend of mine acquainted me with the historicity of music. It is because of him, I got to know how a tiny section of some alien, violence-makers added a distinct smell to our native tunes. Got to know that the love between Radha & Krishna can be so sonorous and deep, even in an Other’s tune, even in an Other’s tongue.

    It was like seeing two civilizations making love after a violent quarrel.

    The whole spectrum of semi-classical Indian music got awakened to me. I was amazed at how sensually they make use of the pronunciation of ‘h’…how aromatically. Fell in love with the nazakats (elegance)of Ghazal, Thumri, Dadra. The music of the courtesans-the music of the fallen ones…their yearning for acceptance, validation, love-

    “ Aaz Jaane Ki Zid Na Karo

    Yu Hi Pehlu Mein Baithe Raho

    Aaz Jaane Ki Zid Na Karo…”

    (Don’t Insist On Leaving Tonight,

    Just Keep Sitting Here, Nestled In My Arms,

    Don’t Insist On Leaving Tonight Dear)

     

                                                                                                                          ……..……

    There is a fine line between music and noise…

    As they say.

    That fine line which I did smash that monsoon evening. In my quest to synthesise a melody, perhaps I intensified the noise and cacophony, my father was suffering from inside. I, perhaps, breached into the solitude of his privacy.

    Breach of Privacy…

    Music is ‘immensely’ capable of doing that. Unfortunately.

    As is happening to me right at this moment! A glitzy Bollywood item number is trying forcibly to get into my space, while I am struggling to be in a meditative mood…meditating Music.

    Monica…a..a…a….

    O my darling……

    Parap…parap…parap….parap…

    Tara…Tara.. Tara.. Tara.. Tara…

    Monica…Music is…..Monica…O my darling…Music is something….Monica…parap…parap..

    Parap…parap…Something very serene…tara..tara…tara..tara…

    Umm..Music is you know…ummm…something close to your heart…Monica…..

    Music is…parap…parap…parap…parap…parap…

    Tara…Tara…Tara…Tara..Tarara…

    Music is…O my darling…..!!!

    Well! Music is more close to your ears than your hapless heart! It must, first, obey the rule of Physics…then has to submit to your biology…before it can reach up to the philosophy of your heart (if anything left over!)

     

    So there might be moments we all have swallowed down music as noise. Like dealing with a heart-break while listening to your rickshaw-puller souling out a hard-core romantic song! Or may be keeping pace with the latest party song while sitting with a diseased one in an ambulance with its alarm on. Or may be just brooding over that pathetic event of a classic soulful song being reduced to a background music in a soul-less political rally.

    But the deadliest ones are those when the music among humans…among us, becomes noise…

    That sharp noisy part of it, when the music of a “silent chuckle” hit your deepest wound. So smoothly. So effortlessly. As if humanity is trained for that cruelty itself. Trained every Saturday!

    Perhaps this is the case from time Infinity…

    Perhaps, it is the way we ‘survive’ as human…by stabbing each other…to enjoy the music of our deepest scream…our deepest cry.

    Perhaps that is why the noise of a war cry, of a bomb dropping, of silent dying is so much available, while an instance of a musical endurance is so scarce. It’s so difficult to find a good piece of music from a country war-torn, while the internet is flooded with stories about their Noise…political, economical, social.

    We know a land by its noise…

    Perhaps this is the way of music too…existing side by side of noise. Over the centuries. Surviving the noise of a war, a famine, an epidemic….and of course a ‘silent chuckle’.

    Perhaps this is an opportunity for us…

    To be more TOLERANT…to be more PATIENT about things not-in-sync with us.       

    A chance to live with a hope of coexistence.       

                                      …………………                                                  

    I am getting devoid of music too.

    Little by little.

    Like my father.

    Like this world.

    But only in its literal sense.

    These days I find the sweetest melodies dull…lifeless…mechanical. The more tuned a voice, the more rhythmic a song  the more I detest it. While a song, a tune I find in a less musical ambience, in a less musical way…I find it more musical.

    Like that sad tune played with an unknown instrument by an artist with an unknown face at a corner of an unknown road in a lesser known hill station, as I passed by jovially with my friend discussing the latest gossip and paid little attention to it…the tune hit me so magically at the darkest hour of the loneliest night…I find it so MUSICAL.

    Even though the tune I cannot recall.

    I discover music in “beyond sound” these days…as I did it for the first time with that baby bird.

     

    A smile exchanged against a meaningless coarse…

    A harmony sparkling in the tumultuous babble of a group of teenage friends…

    A love survived even out of togetherness…

    A baby nurtured by a mother even in the most dismal picture…

    A sphere appeared every time we hear the word “world” even if we see it falling apart…

    In each of these, I do find music.

    With my soul dancing on its beat…

     

    “unheard”.

    To keep the musicality of my adulthood intact.

    (Every person mentioned above is far from being great…if anyone appears so, that is only the mischief-making of memory)

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • To tell a tale…

    Probably it was a sad rainy day. Raining, not cats and dogs. Neither rats and fox. But a slow patient rain. Tapping on and on and on. Turning the green leaves wild among the wilderness. Hooves were drumming once- like distant thunder, and then vanished, leaving only broken reeds and the bitter smell of wet soil.

    The hunt failed.

    With his hands empty and shoulders heavy, he returned. But his eyes were full. All day a sight had possessed him- of the bison he had seen at the edge of the plain. Not slain, not captured. With muscles moving beneath the hide like living hills. Body ablaze with color. Warm and alive. For a moment their eyes met. Instantly he felt so small yet so strangely complete.

    He entered the cave as the dusk thickened the rain into shadow. To find warmth in the flickers of the primordial fire, fed by the last bunches of dry twigs. Others slept or stared into the dark with hunger folded into their silence. Even words would have been felt thin, if they could speak.

    He knelt. Knelt before his existence.

    From the ground he gathered red earth, yellow clay, blackened ash. All the strange things that he had stored away from the things of need. He crushed them with a stone, mixing with water and fat until color was born.

    And color was born, in his otherwise bloody palms. The hued tokens of emotions. While the wall stared before him, cold and uneven. Very old. Older than memories.

    He lifted his hands, hesitated. As he had never done this before…perhaps no one had.

    The bison had not left him yet.

    He began with the curve of the black- slow and reverent. His fingers followed the remembered strength of the animal; the proud slope of its shoulders; the power gathered in its legs. He painted the bison as he had seen it- standing in the rain. Not falling beneath a spear. Untouched, Sovereign, Sublime.

    Soon there appeared a body on the the stone- bright and alive, emerging from the darkness of the cave as if it had always been there, waiting. Waiting to be looked upon, to be amazed at, to be celebrated.

    The rain outside beat its rhythm, as if urging him on. The firelight made the lines tremble and breathe. As he worked, something shifted. The hunger-eased. The failure- softened. That was not a conquest. Neither was it a weapon against the hungry cold night to come.

    When he stepped back with his hands stained with earth and memory, the cave held its breath. The animal on the wall gazed at him with its ancient eyes. In that very moment the man understood something without knowing its name: all encounters are not meant to end in blood, some are for wonder.

    After that, days after days were spent by. By the time weapons got sharpened, predators tamed. Domestication slightly replaced violence. Hunger started to be satiated with cultivation. And leisure was born. Time came to be recognized as something to be spent with consciousness. Consciously.

    A harvest made. A birth sprouted. A demise happened. A success accomplished. Or a hope to live for. All were started to be pondered over. Started to recreated. That what started with a desire to express an awe tainted with fear-failure-loss, became a way.

    Some “hopeless” men got trapped into this business of recreating. They started to make a flower more beautiful or a face ‘more’ sad than they actually were. While the prudent ones imitated. And the wiser ones started to profess through.

    Norms were established. Then they were broken. The broken ones, then, became the norms. Thus germinated Choice. Choice to express things one likes. Choice to express things the way one likes. So it started to grow complex as the mind of the mankind walked through complexities.

    Things to use for got amplified too. A brush, a pen were invented, made and then by time ‘manufactured’. Eventually the curiosity and achievements of humanity made the cave photographed & the bison ‘digitized’.

    Now a great great great granddaughter of that bison-man has gotten into a beautiful trouble. A trouble to have an urge to speak a troubled mind; to open up a troubled soul.

    She has all the recent discoveries at her hand to do the job for her. So when she wants to make a bison of her own, one very intelligent genie is present out there to make her job done. Makes the curves more accurate; the lines more refined; the color more vibrant.

    For her.

    Without her.

    But there are times when she wants it to be very personal. Wants to draw the firmness trembling, as she tries to survive her own nervous breakdowns. Wants her words less articulate, according to the mood “confusion” of a depressing day. While the genie builds an exotic palace for her, she wants a home. A home ‘woven’, the secret places of which only she knows. With an ambition of that lonely power-freak dictator, she wants all her lines, words, colors belonging to her only. To her hidden sorrows, her sins, her horrors.

    The genie is attractive though. Potent. Efficient. Swift. Saves her time, effort. Makes her a painter, a poet, and all the other things she wants to be. It’s a happy space!

    But what about the ‘gene-e’ living in her? That ‘gene-e’, carrying the creative restlessness of that bison-man? Making her tormented while possessed by a bison?

    This ‘gene-e’ does more magic, in fact. Does all its pain-staking, pleasure-giving magic.

    Magic, that hides not into the cloudy bubble as the popular images of Aladdin’s story shows us. Rather, the bubble itself is the powerhouse of magic, where the enchantment dances around the millions of atoms in it. Into their sub-atomic particles, along the electromagnetic waves, in their ions, through their reactivity- all. All magically creates the magic. And in the process satiates the Bison-Aladdin-e. It’s not the finished item, wrapped in a mysterious colorful cover, which the otherwise bearded Arab genie conjures up for his master.

    The mystery, rather starts to take form moment by moment. Right from that first romantic eye-lock, from the initial nervous exchange of words, from the magnetism of bonded lips, from the passionate making of love, to the forbidden thirst-quenching physicality. Right from the earliest signs of seeding, from the unusual happenings of life-keeping, from the silent blossoming day by day, to the sudden cramp of labor. It gradually unfolds, then, to visibility, when the cramp turns into a pain unfathomable. Squeezes the hindrances to make way for the unbearable. Pushes out the womb-fire through the threshold. With bone and flesh. With mind and heart. With all of a procreator’s strength and senses.

    With all of a creator’s strength and senses, thus arrives the creation- through rupture, through endurance.

    It’s not the genie’s gift of momentary finality which mends the yearning of the Bison-people. Rather, the beauty of carrying out the unspeakable and the process of the creative celebration of it, that sates them.

    Some say it’s a gain at the expense of someone’s bread. That some would lose their foot in this world if the genie always do all the jobs.

    Apocalyptists, on the other hand , cry for preservation…of our artistic capabilities.

    But can the process of creativity be ‘commanded’ to be frozen into preservation? Mummified with coded standards? Besides, who doesn’t want to be an Aladdin with the magic lamp in hand?

    While the open-hearted Philanthropists celebrate it as a means to ‘democratize’ Art. Little they are ready to confront the fact that Art is not for the ‘demos’. Rather it belongs to the demons only. To the silently rebellious peripheral souls…the Lovers of Bison.

    Perhaps it’s happy twist in the history of mankind. Perhaps it’s a predestined event, where two roads diverge, leading us to two completely different destination…two different destiny.

    Mankind would eventually take shape into it. While the majority would go with the flow, reaping the fruits of invention; of the comfort of creative surrogacy. A tiny portion would dive into the unexplored; would go through the frustration of creative infertility, through the immeasurable miscarriages to finally giving birth to a new shade of humanity.

    Probably the genie would leave us empowered with a Choice. A choice to be more Artist; a choice to be more Human.

    Would encourage us to share our suffering.

    To assure that not only you, I also. To be assured that not only me, they also.

    Far from being a doomsdayer!

    It is from this space the Bison-people create. Like that hungry cave-man, indifferent to recognition. And will continue to be creating. With a genie or without. For a bread or without…while possessed by a Bison!

    From that passion, from that angst.

    To tell a tale.

  • Welcome to DiaryOfScheherazade!

    This is an attempt to survive the ugly of humanity through evoking the beauties of it. Subjects, which otherwise cannot create a lasting impression, are chanced upon here. Matters, which don’t matter in our serious-faced real world are tried at. Insignificance, which scattered timidly around the business of the traffic our significant world are attempted to nurture. Because some thoughts, no matter how mundane they are, deserve to be preserved, to be shared…